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37歳バリキャリ女性「わたしもそろそろ…」

　婚活をし始めた由梨恵さん（仮名・37歳）は証券会社で働くOLで、いわゆるバリキャリ。

　これまで結婚に対して漠然としか考えておらず、出産に対しても40歳までにママになれたらいいなとふんわりと考えていました。ところが、周りがどんどん結婚し始めて子どもを授かるのを見て「わたしもそろそろ結婚して子どもがほしい」と本格的に婚活をスタートします。

　ところが、マッチングアプリで婚活しても、いいねをしてくれるのは40代50代の男性ばかり……。

由梨恵さん「結婚して子どもが生まれて、パパがこんなにおじさんだったら、子どもがかわいそうじゃないですか。だから同世代や年下とマッチングしたいんです！」

A 37-year-old "I'm about to get married, too...

　Yurie (37 years old, pseudonym), who started her marriage activity, is an office worker at a securities company and is what is called a "career-minded" woman.

　Until now, she had only vaguely considered marriage, and even thought about childbearing softly, hoping to be a mother by the time she turned 40. However, when she saw people around her getting married and having children, she thought, "It's about time for me to get married and have children, too," and started her marriage activity in earnest.

　However, even though she was engaged on a matching app, the only men who liked her were in their 40s and 50s. ......

Yurie said, "When I get married and have children, I feel sorry for my children if their father is such an old man. That's why I want to be matched with someone my own age or younger!"

由梨恵さんの頭の中には自分が高齢出産にあたるという考えはまったくなく、今から婚活して結婚したらすぐ授かれると思っていました。

筆者「由梨恵さん、女性の妊娠できる力って35歳以降ガクンと下がることを知っていますか？」

由梨恵さん「聞いたことありますけど、40歳超えて子どもができた先輩もいるし、芸能人もいますよね。だから37歳だったらまだ大丈夫だと思ってます。特に持病もないですから」

筆者「たしかにそういう人たちもいます。でも事実、妊娠できる力は下がっていくんです。日本生殖医学会のHPにも『不妊の頻度は25歳～29歳では8.9％、30～34歳では14.6％、35～39歳21.9％』と書かれています。つまりざっくり、30代後半だと5人に1人は不妊なんですよ」

Yurie-san had no idea in her mind that she would have an older childbirth, and thought that she would be able to have a baby right away if she started her marriage activity now and got married.

The author said, "Yurie-san, did you know that a woman's ability to conceive declines dramatically after the age of 35?"

Yurie: "I have heard that, but there are seniors who have had children after the age of 40, and there are also celebrities. So I think it is still OK if I am 37 years old. I don't have any chronic illnesses.

The author said, "It is true that there are such people. But the fact is that the ability to conceive declines. The website of the Japanese Society for Reproductive Medicine states, "The frequency of infertility is 8.9% for those between the ages of 25 and 29, 14.6% for those between 30 and 34, and 21.9% for those between 35 and 39. So, roughly, one in five women in their late 30s is infertile."

「不妊治療すれば、授かれますよね？」

　筆者の言葉を聞いて、由梨恵さんはとても驚いていました。

由梨恵さん「でも不妊治療をすれば、授かれますよね？ 今まで頑張って働いてきたからお金はある程度準備できるし、不妊治療費の助成もありますよね。そこまで急ぐ必要はないんじゃないでしょうか」

筆者「不妊治療で授かれる人もいます。でも、絶対じゃないんですよね。不妊治療の成功確率も、年齢が上がれば上がるほど下がっていくんです。助成金があると言っても年齢制限などいろんな条件があるし、自分の時間も精神も削られます。

わたし自身も、不妊治療の経験がありますが、治療を始めるまでの検査から実際に治療を始めてから妊娠するまでに、かなりの時間がかかっています。その間は急にお仕事を休まなければいけなかったり、うまくいかないことが続くと精神的に落ち込んでいました。わたしも主人にとっても、振り返れば人生で一番つらい時期でした」

If I get fertility treatment, I can have a baby, right?"

　Hearing my words, Yurie was very surprised.

Yurie said, "But if we do fertility treatment, we will be able to have a baby, right? I've worked hard up until now, so I can prepare some money, and there are subsidies for infertility treatment expenses. I don't think there is any need to rush into it."

The author said, "Some people are able to have children through fertility treatment. But it is not absolute. The success rate of infertility treatment also decreases as the age of the patient increases. Even if there are subsidies available, there are age restrictions and various other conditions, and it takes up a lot of your time and your spirit.

I myself have had experience with infertility treatment, and it took me quite a long time from the time I started the tests to the time I actually started treatment until I became pregnant. During that time, I had to suddenly take time off from work, and when things didn't go well, I was mentally depressed. Looking back, it was the most difficult time in my life for both me and my husband.

そしてもし妊娠できても、高齢な場合はさまざまなリスクを伴います。

筆者「妊娠できたから、そこで”めでたしめでたし”ではないんです。流産率や死産率も35歳以上でグンと上がっていきます。また、障害を持って生まれてくる確率も高くなります。40代で授かれたという人たちだって、そこに至るまで長い不妊治療をしていたかもしれない。表に出ないだけで、不妊治療をして結果授かれなかった40代の人も想像以上に多くいるんですよ。

だから男性の年齢にこだわる前に、自分自身の年齢と妊娠出産における現実を知ることが大事ですね。また、子どもを望むことを婚活の目的にするのではなく、一緒にいて幸せになれる男性と出会い、もし妊娠できなくても2人で楽しく生きていける関係を目指すことが大事ではないでしょうか？」

　そこから由梨恵さんはなぜ結婚をしたいのか、自分の気持ちと向き合い、結婚観を改めました。また、婚活と同時にブライダルチェック（今後妊娠・出産を考えている人向けの婦人科検診を含む健康診断）も行い、なるべく早めの結婚を目指して行動しています。

And even if you are able to conceive, there are various risks associated with advanced age.

The author says, "Just because you are able to conceive does not mean that you are "happy-go-lucky. The miscarriage and stillbirth rates increase dramatically after the age of 35. Even those who have been able to conceive in their 40s may have undergone lengthy infertility treatments before they were able to do so. There are many more people in their 40s than you might imagine who have undergone fertility treatment and failed to have a child as a result.

So it is important to know your own age and the reality of pregnancy and childbirth before focusing on the age of men. Also, I think it is important not to make the desire for children the goal of your marriage activity, but to meet a man you can be happy with and aim for a relationship in which you can both live happily together, even if you cannot conceive."

　From there, Yurie faced her own feelings about why she wanted to get married and changed her view of marriage. At the same time as her marriage activity, she is also undergoing a bridal checkup (a medical checkup that includes a gynecological examination for those who are considering pregnancy and childbirth in the future), and is taking action to get married as soon as possible.